The Morning After - Walk of Shame Giude

................So it is Saturday morning, I have a mother of a hangover after a cocktail of KEG, Jack Daniels tots, Bluemoon, Kibao and assortments of lethal substances. What a night! Pombe nimewacha I swear. Turning to my side, I see a hump under my small duvet. It is her…I have to deal with the hangover, but she has bigger problems, she has to do the walk of shame across my hostel and endure the condescending stares from all them SDAs, CU and Bible study groups and the “holier than thou” camps.

Problem is, it does not matter if the chick is my girlfriend, or a chipo from some dingy club beyond river road, campuserians judge more than the supreme court bench combined. As always, the morning after the deed inevitably arrives and, as the sun of the new day dawns, the weight of the situation dawns on those who find themselves somewhere other than their own bed. So instead of trying to yell at every stare, “ITS OKAY, IT WAS MY BOYFRIEND” or “WE DID NOT GO PAST FIRST BASE” here are some tips to make walk of shame less shameful, take them with a pinch of salt, if some suggessions sound out of the ordinary, I blame it on the alcohol.

Wear his clothes and shoes: You might as well pretend to be a dude, tuck in your hair in his hooded jacket and walk in his timberlands with swag. Gotea a comrade or two for the plausibility effect.

Confirm your appearance: make sure you look alive like you just came to his hostel in the morning to “borrow some notes” and you are leaving. Problem is, guys’ hostels rarely have mirrors, so you will have to make do with your touch-phone screen.

Get out in the afternoon: this is a good thing as you will get free breakfast and lunch, if the guy has any sense of humanity. Plus, you’ll avoid the walk-of-shame drama in the morning.

Get a trench coat: it will hide the clothes underneath, or lack thereof.

Wear sunglasses: those big round ones, like Lady Gagas are the best – those ones that make you look like a grasshopper. The shame predators will not recognize you and the bulging hangovered eyes.

The mobile phone: this is an amazing device to use for awkward situations. Text, pretend to call as you pass the judging crowd along the hostel. You can coin things like, “yeah…the interview was great, am just from my cousin’s place at Hall 20…..he is okay, will be there in a minute…”

Big bags: I have been a hater for those huge gunias our campo ladies carry but this is the time to put them into use. If you know walk of shame will be inevitable in the morning, carry an extra blouse, scarf, dress…or even your whole wardrobe…because with the outrageous sizes of bags I have seen…am sure they could move in in one night.

Or last bad not least, do it like a boss: Cat walk in your sexy outfit, heads high in a way that ensures the potential judgers have fantasies, and wet dreams about you. Be proud and not a conformer to (double) standards. And if someone stares you too long, nod approvingly, and say…”yeah, I could gerrit.” Make it a walk of pride.

Posted by Ken Nyalwa on Oct 22, 2012 in On Campus

"CREATION" and the "PERFECTION" within it....Why YOU are "YOU"! "CHROMOSOMES". And "BLACK FRIDAY"

THE “END OF TIME”, IS THE “WORSE OF TIMES”, FOR ALL OF HUMANITY’S EXISTENCE. IT IS A TIME WHICH OUR “GOD” HAS RESERVED AND WILL USE, TO TEACH EVERY SOUL ON EARTH, WHAT THE “REALM OF SATAN” LOOKS LIKE, FEELS LIKE, SMELLS LIKE AND TASTES LIKE; SO THAT YOU WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET ABOUT THE ANGER OF YOUR GOD!

THika Superhighway commisioned

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300"] The Thika Superhighway![/caption]

The recently completed Thika-Nairobi superhighway commissioned by President Mwai Kibaki on Friday, November 9, 2012.

Construction work on the highway kicked off in April 2009 and was scheduled for completion in December 2011 – meaning the project is eight months behind schedule.

The project, which is part of an elaborate plan to decongest city traffic, involved changing Thika road from a four-lane carriageway to an eight-lane superhighway, building underpasses, erecting flyovers and providing interchanges at roundabouts.

The highway’s construction budget was initially Sh27 billion but it eventually consumed Sh31 billion, an amount the Kenya National Highways Authority GM Meshack Kidenda attributes to inflation and additional works on the road.

“The 50.4 km project overshot its budget by Sh4 billion due to inflation and additional features that changed design work,” said Mr Kidenda.

Thika road was built in three sections: Uhuru Highway to Muthaiga Roundabout; Muthaiga Roundabout to Kenyatta University; and Kenyatta University to Thika Town. The sections were undertaken by China Wu Yi, Sinohydro and Sheng Li respectively.

The highway has significantly reduced the time taken to travel by road between Nairobi and Thika from about two hours to about 45 minutes.

Unfortunately, Thika road will be commissioned amid rising cases of vandalism of its lighting poles, barriers and road signs aimed to enhance safety of vehicles on the road.

According to Mr Kidenda, vandals are increasingly frustrating efforts to fine tune the highway in line with international standards by vandalising the highway’s fixtures meant to aid the flow and safety of vehicles on the superhighway.

“The crooks are destroying street lights, crash barriers and even destroying timer sensitive control panels which cost about Sh100,000 each,” he said.

Mr Kidenda said that although the authority was considering reinforcing the furniture and putting in place a patrol team, Kenyans should also play the policing role and report any cases of vandalism.

Posted in constructionKenya.com
 November 6, 2012 | By Danson Kagai